Vodka Cruisers Ranked From Worst to G.O.A.T

Vodka Cruisers Ranked From Worst to G.O.A.T

The Vodka Cruiser has long been a polarising drink in the alcohol landscape, having been labelled as nothing more than glorified lolly water. Having been a fan of the beverage long before it was socially acceptable, here’s what I believe are the top 10 Vodka Cruisers, ranging from ‘meh’ to ‘nectar of the Gods.’

10. Spritz

Unpopular opinion, but the growing popularity of alcoholic flavoured sparkling water needs to die, with Vodka Cruiser’s newest Spritz line-up included. Having been teased that a long neck version of the classic drink was going to hit the shelves, my hopes were high for what the beverage company would provide in 2021, and instead brought out this.

Coming in two flavours, grapefruit or berry, the drink tastes like liquidised yogurt and just does not hit on the same level as it’s more sugary counterparts. Easily the worst tasting drink out of the entire Cruiser line up.

9. Sugar Free

The lesser of the two evils when it comes to the Cruiser healthier alternatives, the sugar free range is an oxymoron of a drink. The whole purpose of a Vodka Cruiser is that it’s one the sweetest alcohol beverages that money can buy. what’s the point of taking the sugar out? It’s literally taking all of the fun out of the drink.

Coming in berry, mango raspberry and pineapple, they’re enticing flavours and seem wasted being without any sugary goodness.

8. Lemon Lime

It’s a boring flavour, and purely ranks a few places higher just purely because the drink contains sugar, so at least in nature it’s an actual Cruiser. The drink has an acidic taste and lacks an identity. It doesn’t really taste like a lemon-lime bitter or Sprite. It’s a lost drink and it tastes like it.

Via: Dan Murphy’s

7. Bold Berry

Bold by name and by name only. A mixture of berries which seems to be a bigger secret than KFC’s secret herbs and spices, since several Google searches couldn’t give me answer as to what fruit blend actually makes up this drink. It’s not a bad tasting flavour, but by no means the best.

6. Strawberry

It wasn’t until I saw one of these for the first time that I realised, “geez there aren’t many strawberry flavoured drinks that exist.” After channelling my inner Hal Wilkerson and discovering this drink paradox, tasting it made me understand why strawberry hasn’t been utilised in drink form – because it’s not that great.

Tasting less like strawberry the fruit and more like a flavour they put in the lollies strawberry and cream, it’s a solid drink, but overall not a great flavour.

Via: Dan Murphy’s

5. Watermelon

In terms of flavour it’s very similar to strawberry, it’s a solid refreshing drink and will do the trick if there are no other flavours present, but not a god-tier flavour.

4. Orange Passionfruit

If the drink was orange flavoured alone then it would be lowered on the list, but that hint of passionfruit just hits different and makes it one of the better flavours out of all the Cruisers.

Via: Dan Murphy’s

3. Pineapple

Hitting the sweeter flavours now, and just cracking the top three is one of Cruiser originals. The drink is refreshing and has a great tropical taste, not god-tier but still a very good tasting flavour.

2. Raspberry

I am yet to taste anything raspberry flavoured that has not slapped. Just flavour anything raspberry and it will taste great, and the raspberry Cruiser is no different. A fresh fruity beverage, this drink does not miss and is a good get for any drinker that has a sweet tooth.

1. Guava

As a young guy, being seen drinking one of these raises eyebrows and has friends shaking their heads in disgust, but when you’re consuming a literal nectar from God, it doesn’t matter.

An obvious choice at number one, it has a great refreshing taste and to whoever invented Guava cruisers, you are not the hero I deserved but the hero I needed. Now can we please finally get this in a long neck!

You can find Giacomo’s other controversial opinions here.

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